I learned about a new antidrug campaign that is really enlightening – especially since it opened my eyes even more to the code teens use to talk to each other online.
The Parent Chronicles is a new campaign from the Office of National Drug Control Policy. The site uses videos and little tests to demonstrate to parents how teens think, and then provides very small talking points to help us parents talk more effectively with our teens. Even if you have younger kids, especially tweens (8-12 year olds), this is a must see site. It will open your eyes to a world you may not know exists.
Parent Chronicles has a columnist that has an excellent QA that the site’s PR firm has allowed me to share with you that will explain the site more and what it is about:
Parent Chronicles Q&A with Alison Birnbaum, LCSW
What is Parent Chronicles?
The Parent Chronicles project has been developed to help parents bridge the gap between us and our teens so that we can communicate more effectively and be better parents. The three-step process coaches parents on how to get more engaged in their teen’s world by encouraging them to explore the media their teen uses, from music to videos, and other pop culture influences, such as celebrities and reality TV.
What can parents do to learn more about their teen’s world?
The Parent Chronicles is broken into three steps for parents. “Action Items” are homework projects intended to involve parents directly with teen culture. Whether parents are investigating the YouTube listings for marijuana, watching teens interact with each other at the mall or untangling net lingo like “POS,” Action Items serve as a springboard for “walking in your child’s shoes.” The next step is the Parent-to-Parent Forum, which allows parents to share with other parents. Finally, the Advice column answers common parenting questions.
Most parents would say they have a great relationship with their teen. Are you saying that’s not true?
It is true that many parents think their relationship with their teen is great. However, teens consistently say that they believe their parents to be in the dark about the true risks they face. Parents consistently underreport danger, which means that, no matter what the “feeling temperature” is between parent and child, there is a gap in parent knowledge and therefore a corresponding gap in parenting rules and limitations. Unless parents really understand the dangers and risks in their child’s life, they will not adequately be able to help their child mature into healthy adults.
Why are parents out of touch with their teens today?
First, family life is very hectic. Often everyone in the family has their own agenda, and their own “to do” list. Parenting is often done on the fly, which doesn’t allow time for the “grey areas” of good parenting: having complex discussions about values and ethics, assessing your child’s ability to be drug or alcohol resistant, understanding fully what your child needs (as opposed to what s/he says they need in the moment). Second, the barrage of pop culture in our teens’ lives can be a challenge: what is normal and acceptable has shifted radically. Parents often don’t realize the shift until their child has engaged in the behavior: self-injuring, risky sexual contact or drug use.
What kinds of things are teens exposed to online?
How about everything?!! This was brought home to me when a divorced dad I know found that his almost 13 year-old daughter had explicit photos of herself on MySpace with a pornographic headline extolling her “hot” features. He would never have known about her Web site, except that her stepbrother saw a reference to it in one of her emails, and he was concerned. If you know that there are certain risks inherent in using the computer, wouldn’t you want to be sure that your child is responding appropriately to the risks? There are two ways to approach knowing…one is to navigate on your own or asking another parent or another child for help. The other way is to ask that your child take you on a tour of his/her site and to the sites of his/her friends. Another gentle way of overseeing use is to put the computer in a common family area.
Are you encouraging parents to “snoop” on their teens?
We are definitely not encouraging “snooping,” but we are encouraging “knowing.” The degree you “have to know” depends on the cues your child is sending you: is your child happily engaged at school, involved in pro-social activities, resilient to the normal ups and downs of teen life? Then, as a parent, you can afford to ask more direct questions, knowing that you will probably receive direct answers. You will also be more likely to have a relationship with your child that is based on honesty and self-revelation. No parent wants to sleuth out their child’s life, but as a clinician, I have so often heard teens say, “I’m actually relieved that I’ve been grounded,” or “They will have to drug test me to keep me from smoking weed.” I know that a parent really needs to know what is happening in their child’s life.
What’s the link between understanding your teen’s world and teen drug use?
Drug use is so much a part of the general culture, and so accepted in the youth culture that it is important that parents are knowledgeable. If you are aware of the values espoused by the prevailing culture, then you can describe and differentiate those values from your own. In this way, personal values can be drawn that are different from “everyone is doing it.” The same idea works for drug use.
How often should parents talk to their teens about drugs for it to be effective?
According to our teens, we parents have the greatest influence on their lives. Though it is unlikely they will tell us outright, we have to assume they want our guidance. Regularly talking about drugs should be done in as many ways as is possible: interwoven into conversations about health and self-esteem, part of goal making and planning for life success. We should make our rules about drug use clear. We should have a sense of humor about this serious job (my kids have called me “the anti-drug”) and know that we will be listening more than we will be talking. It is so important for us to have information, to understand the pressures and influences our kids face, so that we can deepen our conversations and our ability to engage our teens.
Alison Birnbaum, LCSW, has practiced psychotherapy in New York City and Connecticut for 25 years. In her clinical work, she helps adults, adolescents, children, and their families with issues ranging from mental illness and substance abuse to divorce and emotional intelligence. Alison also works as a consultant to the National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign, offering expert advice on various media initiatives and contributing guest columns to TheAntiDrug.com. She was previously a member of the Media Campaign’s Behavior Change Expert Panel (BCEP).
Here are some of the links on the site I found fascinating:
Tech lingo your teens may be using
NetLingo
Action Items: ways to see things as your teens do, and talk to them better
These are just the highlights. The site also has a nice section on drugs and drug use.
So, check the site out and bookmark it. Whether your teen is a “good” kid or “troubled”, all of us will have to face these questions as our teens get older and the more prepared they are the better.
By the way, the site has a PANIC BUTTON to hit if your worried your teens are using now. Here’s the link.
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