Have you ever been bullied? Even if you never thought of it as “bullying”, I’ll go out on a limb and propose that all of us have had at least one experience at some point that was so intense that it sat with us not only very negatively for a long while but impacted how we acted and what we believed about ourselves for a while after. If you are one of the few among us who have truly never had this unfortunately life experience, you should consider yourself truly lucky.
Studies are clear that bullying is bad for kids and can have ramifications into adult life. For this reason, most schools now have strict anti-bullying policies and many great programs have emerged to help kids learn to combat bullies and stand up for them. Stop Bullying Now is one of my favorites.
Bullying doesn’t end with childhood, though, does it? There is a reason that adult bullies are shown as characters on TV shows – adults bullies do exist and we need to find a way to stop that as firmly as we’ve stopped childhood bullying. ABCNews reported this week, in fact, that workplace bullying doesn’t just exist, but causes significant issues with those bullied.
According to ABC News, “(n)umerous studies on children have shown that being bullied can lead to low self-esteem and depression. Fresh analysis of data from 110 studies in the last 21 years tabulating workplace satisfaction and aggression has found that the effects of bullying had more negative effects than being sexually harassed in the workplace.”
What may surprise you to learn, says the ABC News story, is that a workplace bully is likely to be a female. And “bully targets at work are not always the introverted loners of the playground. They are often bright, social people. They are well-liked and respected, good at their jobs and typically have a strong sense of ethics and justice.
Part of the reason they are targeted is because they may possess skills that the bully does not have.”
I could very much relate to that article. Throughout my career, I’ve had snippets of superiors who found that public humiliation was the way to wield their power. I’ve had relatives have similar experiences out of medicine in their places of employment. And, the impact on all of us was intense. I recall feeling unsure of myself for a while, depressed and inefficient at work. Distance from the situation and recognizing that the issue was this other person’s power helped me. Counseling was what was needed for some friends and family members. By the way, for many of us, the bully was a female.
I’m personally glad the cat is out of the bag on workplace bullying. The time has come to stop this and make workplaces more positive and productive. With so many doctors leaving medicine, I can’t help wonder if the negative culture that persists past residency is part of the issue. Who needs that, when you think about it?!
What should you do if you feel bullied? Don’t tolerate it. As an adult, we have more choices than children. If you ever start to feel powerless, that is when you need to take a step back an get some help. Check out the links below. Not only are there many places to turn to for help, but 13 states and many more are getting anti-workplace laws on the books! You have rights and you have a voice!! Besides, for our children to stand up to bullies, we have to learn to do the same.
Bullying Institute
What to do about workplace bullies
UK Workplace Bullying Site
Bullying In The Workplace (Canada Safety Council)
Workplace Bullying Law Site
Bullying is really bad. I remember my experience in kindergarten. I just couldn’t take it that I refused to attend school. My parents then decided to transfer me to another school. It was a very bad experience for me that until now I still remember it.
Hi Dr. Gwenn,
Thanks for the post.
I see the bullying all over – at work, at home (husbands, wives, dating, relationships, friends, even teens bullying parents and, of course, parents bullying children), and at school.
Did you see the video of the angry mom power washing her child (about 4-6 years old)? Gross!
I especially support your flat out statement – Teach your children how to resist. I think we spend too much time concerned about understanding and rehabilitating bullies. My wife and I spent our time teaching our six children how to resist. And we did what we could to get the schools to help stop bullying. But we didn’t depend on the schools. Some principals will act, but others are cowardly placaters.
The people that are hardest to stop are the ones I call “stealthy or sneaky or subtle or covert” bullies. They’re subtle, controlling, manipulating people who take control with a smile. They try to convince every one that they’re right and know best. You think you have to do what they want or you’ll be impolite, not caring or kind enough, or they’ll get you. They’re hardest to stop because most people don’t recognize them as bullies, so they don’t mobilize themselves to stop the sneaky bullying.
I see the same bullying at work.
Best wishes,
Ben
PS: Please check out my new book, “How to stop Bullies in Their Tracks,” at http://www.BulliesBeGone.com.
If anyone wishes to check out my story, and I think it speaks to a large degree for itself. Check out http://www.caabi.org and click view my story. I am a public speaker now due to how I was treated in school. Much of it is really intense and I still deal with flashbacks of these awful events. As a survivor of this tragic story I often feel compelled to help other kids, and I have seen some bad cases already. They have to know that you are listening and that you will help them. Desperation for them is all they have left sometimes.
Dr.Gwenn,
Thank you for addressing an issue thta is often overlooked and taking it seriously. I am grateful.
For the last six years I have been the target of workplace bulleying by a group of women. I reprted this when it first began but I was told that I should be stronger and handle it and just continue to do my work and that there was alot of jealousy around me. These were comments to me by my management team.
Since that time the bullying became systemic. I incurred financial losses as well as living under a heavy umbrella of slander and vicious physical intimidation and anonymous damage to personal property. I have transferred twice.
They usually transfer right behind me within a few months or call to find out who they may be aquainted with there and ingratiate themselves with the new co-workers and continue to slander. I am working on a complete career change. This has been an extremely difficult journey.
I find it unacceptable for any human being, be they a child or adult, to be abused emotionally or physically. Since when is it a common level of acceptance that abuse is the natural and accepted behavior inthe workplace or school and these problems should be poo pooed away as marginal human emotional collateral damage not be taken into serious review? I am grateful to you for blogging this information.
Cat
Baltimore, Maryland