Reading the tweets and news stories condemning Paula for not disclosing her diabetes sooner, and accusing her of doing so for personal gain, I’m reminded of the old American Indian Proverb:
Never criticize a man until you’ve walked a mile in his moccasins.
She was incredibly honest with Al Roker on TODAY for her reasons to stay quiet initially: “I came home, I told my children, I told my husband, I said, ‘I’m gonna keep this close to my chest for the time being’ because I had to figure out things in my own head.”
And, in the same interview, she noted changes she’s made since her diagnoses in her diet and in exercise and in what her show does and doesn’t promote:
“I have always eaten in moderation….You know, people see me on TV two or three times a day and they see me cooking all these wonderfully Southern, fattening dishes. That’s only 30 days out of 365….And it’s for entertainment. And people have to be responsible.”
Did you know that when a person gets diagnosed with a chronic condition, the person experiences the same 5 stages of grief as when a loved one dies? Noted by famed physician Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, they are:
- Denial
- Anger
- Depression
- Bargaining
- Acceptance
As with all grief, moving through these stages takes time. There are many starts and stops and it’s easy to get stuck along the way. Having experienced first hand all of these stages when I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis 2 1/2 years ago, I can tell you the process is incredibly intense, not at all easy and slow. So, 3 years may seem like a long time to you, a person without a chronic condition, but to someone learning to adjust to a new normal, it’s actually not that long at all. Remember, this process becomes the start of the rest of someone’s life.
The reality of chronic diseases is they are much less like the American Indian Proverb I quoted initially and much more like this Dutch Proverb:
Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot.
One reason I’m stepping forward to support Paula is because I’ve seen how powerful celebrity and expert spokespeople can be in the world of chronic conditions. In the arthritis world, pro golfer Phil Mickelson has had a very well received campaign sponsored by Pfizer for psoriatic arthritis and Enbrel. His campaign and ads helped me enormously even though I have a different form of arthritis. They came on TV when I was facing a particularly though time with my RA and gave me just what I needed to feel more hopeful and positive about the future , the medications I found myself on, and the activities I put on hold. Incidentally, no one questioned why Phil waited over a year to come forward with his story or why he was partnering with Pfizer to help others with arthritis. If Paula can do that for diabetes, more power to her!
We live in a media world where the glass is always half empty and reported that way. How about we start looking at the glass as half full and start giving people trying to help others the benefit of the doubt for a change.
Hi Dr Gwen – I applaud YOU for your compassionate and insightful post defending her. I don’t even remember what year I was diagnosed with type II diabetes. That is how great my denial was. And because I didn’t need meds and because I couldn’t feel it …I ignored it. Honestly ..it scared and overwhelmed me that much. I have an excellent memory … an observation shared with me by others and I know I do …and yet …I absolutely do not know what year in the last decade my pcp told me I had diabetes type II. I just know it was before 2005. I touched on it *briefly* in connection with uro/health/weight posts some years ago, but did not discuss it with family or friends – rarely.
I justified breezing past my responsibility because was not on meds or didn’t have through the roof blood glucose numbers. It wasn’t until my new pcp put me on metformin last summer, got me to go to diabetic educational classes and told me that diabetes was at the root of many other diseases people had and that he was most concerned with diabetes ..that brought it home to me and scared me into taking action. And when I was at the classes ..which were most informative ..I wished I had done it all much sooner.
I am not familiar with her or her cooking show. I give her credit for wanting to do something publicly at all – because she did not have to. Hopefully, she will help many people that follow her and they won’t do what I did. Perhaps people that may’ve thought dietary changes were impossible …may be motivated by her, particularly since they are used to her recipes and will learn better alternatives …from *her*.
I am sorry to hear about your RA diagnosis. Thank you for sharing that you went through the stages yourself. I’ve never heard the stages of grief in connection with chronic illness, but explains my behavior. And I really only truly accepted it while in the educational classes.
Hi Seaspray:
Thank you so much for your comments, support over my RA and my position on this issue. I had no idea you had DM. Thank you for sharing your experience. I hope you’ll share more. You have a lot of great insight on DM and having a chronic disease. The more we all become brave enough to talk about our experiences, especially in the early days to months after the diagnosis, the easier it will be for other people to get on the right path to good health.
Dr. G
I just read two negative articles and comments about Paula in a well known diabetes blog. I can appreciate that when someone is in the spotlight, especially in a teaching position, that they do have responsibility to be a good example. But ..people ARE human. In reading the articles, it was clear that her recipes ARE a part of her family heritage. The diagnosis was a blow to process, but she also had to be willing to let go of what she loved and she apparently has a lot of pride in family recipes, etc. I think it comes back to what you quoted, “Never criticize a man until you’ve walked a mile in his moccasins.”
I just did not like the sarcasm. Frankly …I feel more motivated reading your post and comment. “Brave” is the operative word. There is something about acknowledging I have “a disease” that is still surreal to me. So ..I guess I vacillate between denial and acceptance. I was told if I lose weight, I can reverse this. I lost 64lbs since 2005 …but have been fluctuating in a 10lb range for awhile now. Of course NOT gaining it all back in these last 5 yrs is also amazing, but I have made some lifestyle changes – just not as comprehensively and expediently as I should have. I’m at a lower weight than I was for at least 2 decades. I have thought if Christopher Reeves was told he could walk again if he lost weight …he would’ve just done it immediately. The doctor actually told me if I lose 30lbs (and I have more to lose), he will take me off the Metformin. I lost 5. Should have been 15 by now. How could I not have lost it all before even needing a med? On paper it’s all logical, but life isn’t lived in black and white. I’m not giving up. And you’ve definitely re-inspired me.
Anyway, thanks again for your supportive comment. And on a lighter note …Since I last discussed grandchildren with you (few years ago), we now have 2 more babies in our family. Son and d-i-l have blessed us with 3 grandchildren altogether. They bring so much joy, fun and love to all of us and at 56 …I want to have a long, quality life to enjoy and guide them.
One last thing. Our sons were 8 years apart. That is so easy – like having 2 only children. Our granddaughters were 8 years apart. Our 2nd granddaughter and grandson are only 19 months apart. I have a whole new respect for anyone caring for 2 or more children under 2 years apart! Nonstop BUSY!
Congratulations on your growing family. It sounds like that’s been an incredible motivator for you to stay on a path to good health. Having a sound support system is so important. That’s one of the reasons I hope people will back off the negativity online. There’s too much of that these days.