The Case Of The Stubborn Poop
Q)
Hi:
We have been trying to potty train our 3 1/2 granddaughter. She does pretty well with the pee, but bowel movements have not been successful. She says “the poopy doesn't listen to her”. We can't send her to preschool because you have to be fully potty trained.
She is the middle child and is very social and smart. We have tried rewards andnothing seems to work. Her brother didn't train until he was close to 4. We can't understand how she can be so smart in every area but seems to be resisting with this. Do you have any suggestions?
Lee L.
A)
Dear Lee:
This is not an uncommon situation. Many children do just fine pooping in their diapers, or even pull-ups, but hit a huge wall when it comes to doing the exact same thing in the toilet. Ultimately, the cause ends up being a clash of wills. There are two layers to the control. Your granddaughter’s control over her poop, and her need to control when she poops as opposed to being told to by your or her teachers.
The good news is the majority of children become fully trained by the time they are 4 years of age if left to their own devices. You saw this with her brother. It can be stressful when preschools place a requirement on needing to be fully potty trained before entering school and I can understand your frustration. There are many daycare/preschools now that understand the developmental range of potty training and do not have this strict a requirement and in fact help with the training process at the school for this very reason. This may be a good juncture for you to explore those sorts of preschools. The more national chains would be the place to start and other parents in your community can give you suggestions of schools with similar developmental potty “guiding” philosophies as well.
Potty training has little to do with intelligence and everything to do with development. Keep in mind that 3 year olds are very concrete and can not reason the way older children do. So, what you interpret as “resistance” may be lack readiness, understanding or just plain frustration for not being able to poop on demand. Part of the reason this situation is becoming stressful is your expectations are out of synch with your granddaughter’s developmental phase. “Smarts” have little to do with success.
So, your best bet right now is to back off. Allow her to continue to use pull-ups and reward her when she recognizes she has a bowel movement and continue to encourage her to use the potty but let this be on her time frame and not yours. I view this is as “potty guiding”. I’ve always felt it a misnomer to call this potty “training”!
If you have any concerns about her ability to have a bowel movement even in a pull up, consult her pediatrician for advice on stool softeners. In the meantime, keep her diet high in fluids, fruits and vegetables and watch binding foods like bananas to help keep the stools soft and regular.
Good luck with this!
Dr. Gwenn
