Toddler Potty Training Hurdles
Q)
Dr. Gwenn:
I have a 3.4 year old granddaughter who we recently started potty training. She was doing great for 3 days but since then it has all been downhill. She hardly ever makes it to the potty on time and says she wants to be a baby again and doesn't want to be a big girl. She has a 1 year old brother and 4 1/2 year old brother, who wasn't trained until 4. Question: should we put her back in diapers or keep continuing to deal with these accidents?
Thanks!
Lee
A)
Dear Lee:
I've always thought the term "potty training" was a misnomer. If you look at the process, us adults are really "potty guides". More times than not, we help lead our tots to the potty by their cues but we hardly ever "train" them to do anything they are not ready to do in the first place.
Your granddaughter is ready - her three most successful days have shown you that. But, at the same time she's not ready. Her words have told you that. So, all you can really do is sit back, back off and let her cues guide you to guide her.
She's clearly ambivalent and who wouldn't be in her position. It is really much easier to use a diaper and she gets that reinforced by seeing her 1 year old brother still in diapers. Yet, she is a big girl and going back in diapers is not the message you want to send. So, I suggest you let her have her way with potty or no potty but use a pull up. That way if she wants to use the potty she has a underwear-like garment in place but if she has an accident there is some absorbancy akin to a diaper. Best of both worlds for adult and child.
While riding this wave, look for ways to reinforce her big girl state outside of the potty arena. This may be during times she helps with her 1 year old sibling or gets her self dressed. Or perhaps does something new and exciting that a "baby" would never do. The more she internalizes being a big girl the more big girl she will feel and one day she will ditch the pull ups for underwear.
As she approaches her 4th birthday you'll likely find this is all yesterday's news and if not call your pediatrician for further advice. Some kids need a bit more guidance and behavioral intervention but more times than not it is really a game of maturation and all kids get there if given enough time to mature in their own way.
When in doubt, remember, you are a guide - not a trainer.
Cheers,
Dr. Gwenn
