Did you catch Harry’s Law the other night? If not, you missed a fantastic episode on teen cyberbullying.

The episode covered the complex social dynamic that typically leads to bullying and teen bullying:

*socially awkward teens being taunted by the “popular teens”

*closeted gay teens and the impact of tht

*the ways teens act out when feeling marginalized from taunts to blogs

In this episode, a teen feeling marginalized and taunted by other teens began a blog to direct her anger. Over time, the blog grew and her targets grew. Her last victim was a girl named Hannah, a girl who had previously picked on her who also turns out to be a closeted lesbian. This teen, Sela, outed Hannah in her blog and Hannah ended up committing suicide.

Given this is a legal drama, I’m sure you’re not surprised that charges were brought against Sela for Hannah’s death. Harry was brought into represent Sela.

The court room scenes are with watching, especially the closing argument of Harry. In her statements, she points out some issues with the big picture that are compelling and often not discussed openly when situations like this occur in the real world. The main issues she raised include:

1. “Snarky” blogs and mean-spirited journalism is the norm in today’s society. She gave the examples of the Huffington Post, Daily Beast and Perez Hilton

2. “Cruelty sells and sells big”, which is why these media outlets exist and thrive.

3. The message to not discuss “gayness” openly is entrenched in our society. Harry pointed out that men and women can serve in our armed forces and be killed protecting our country but, until recently, could not admit to being gay. Hannah sadly grew up feeling she had to keep her sexual orientation a secret due to the current norms of society.

4. Harry points out the situation is a suicide, not a homicide.

5. Her final points:

a. “This is who and what we are as a nation so please let’s not lay this on Sela”

b. The responsibility for this situation is on many hands. “Don’t blame 1 kid with a snark blog”.

You can watch the closing argument yourself here. Start at 30:35.

Sela was found not guilty.

This episode drives some important points home:

1. Cyberbullying is multifactorial and we have to remember that.

2. Everyone loses in situations like this and everyone needs help – the perpetrator, the victim, and the families.

3. More times than not, these cases are not criminal and should not be treated as such. Instead, we need to focus on prevention and education.

4. Mean-ness is pervasive in our society. Perhaps if we work on that, these incidents will not only become less frequent as story lines, but as real life situations.

I have a theory that we were nicer as a society before technology took over to the degree it has. I’ll post more on this soon.

I was away this week when Glee’s “Never Been Kissed” episode first aired. Being a huge Bon Jovi fan, my 13 year old daughter couldn’t wait for me to get home so she could watch the episode again with me. “You’re going to love it!”, she told me. “But, there are some surprises in the episode…so I should warn you.”

So, we plopped on the couch and got into our watching positions.

I had heard mixed reactions on Twitter about the “Stop Me Up/Livin’ On A Prayer” mash up but I really liked it. After all, this is Glee and they tend to put their own twist on our favorite tunes – which is what we want them to do. To just resing an artist’s song would make the show into a fancy version of video karyoke. One of the pluses of Glee is watching the reinvention of songs many of us either grew up with or have had a long standing relationship with from artists we’ve been following for a long while.

My daughter seemed pleased that I liked the mash up. Being the true Glee expert in our house, that could have made watching the remainder of the episode sticky at best!

It was clear, though, that the episode was truly about Kurt. After the second or third shove into the lockers, my daughter said to me “get ready  – something shocking is going to happen. I wasn’t ready for it the first time I saw the episode. Didn’t see it coming at all!”

When Kurt was kissed by that lug of a football player, my daughter simply turned to me and said: “I told you – shocking.”

I agreed with her – the kiss was a twist to the plot and something not often seen on prime time teen TV but it was not “shocking”. In fact, I explained to her it made complete sense.

“It’s so hard for kids to be different today or feeling different from other kids in their peer group. Discovering you’re gay or lesbian is one of the biggest feelings of “different” there – at any age. I know so many people who truly, truly struggle with this.

The thing is…we often think of bullies as bullying because they are scared of people who are different from themselves but just as often they bully because they are scared of those people being the same. That’s what’s happening here. This football player is supposed to be this macho guy and instead has discovered he’s gay – that’s not easy. So, he’s pisssed off and instead of embracing it and seeking people to turn to, he’s rebelling and actually punishing those he’s attracted to. Not healthy at all but that’s what some bullies…some people in pain…do.”

My husband, who was in the room by now, nodding in agreement. This is tough stuff for young kids. But, we both felt the episode truly drove a very challenging point home about teen life and bullies home in a very well done way – a way that teens, even young teens, can understand.

Teens learn best about tough topics when they have a frame of reference. Shows like Glee provide that for us – they give us a much needed foot in the door with our own teens on some very challenging topics.

If you’re looking for additional talking points from this past week’s Glee episode, here are a few that can help you with your own teens:

1. Bullies don’t always bully for the obvious reasons – it’s important to uncover the true reasons. In this week’s episode, the football player wasn’t just being a bully, he was actually gay and struggling with that himself. He needs help as much as the person he’s victimizing because he’s in a lot of pain, too.
2. Teachers must intervene more than just talking to the victim and asking if they are ok. Mr. Schu gave Kurt too much credit by just having a chat and leaving it at that. True intervention has to involve stopping the bully and holding the bully accountable for his or her actions. That wasn’t done for Kurt at his own school and we heard from Blaine a similar experience at his old school. That’s simply wrong. Sadly, that’s also what’s occurring much, much too often.
3. Bystanders, students and teachers and others, must do something if they see the bullying occurring. To not step in is to be a type of bully – it’s bullying by association. By not protecting the victim and ignoring the problem, the bystander is as guilty of bullying the victim as the bully because it perpetuates the cycle. So, all those friends of Kurt who saw him getting slammed into those lockers were part of his bullying, too, and fed into his pain. For them to truly help, they needed to either stand up to the bully for him or get a grown up to help.

Glee is planning to cover bullying throughout this season so I’ll be intrigued to watch and see how the continue to cover this complicated and important issue with other school groups and with teachers. So far, they are off to a fantastic start – people’s eyes are opening and conversations are starting. I’ll continue to watch, too, and offer my 2cents, insight and talking points to help you talk to your kids.

If you saw this week’s episode, what did you think? What did your kids think? Let me know. The more we all talk and share, the better off all our kids will be.

Image sources:

http://cdn04.okcdn.okmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Chris_Colfer_Glee_Nov10.jpg

http://www.projectqatlanta.com/news_articles/view/gay_for_glee_lesbian_sues_feds_illinois_unions?gid=6741

Today is World Psoriasis Day. You may not think you know someone with psoriasis but you likely do. They are the many adults and kids with those plaque like rashes. Not only is the condition tough to treat, but, sadly, these people are subject to a huge amount of bullying, especially kids.

The National Psoriasis Foundation sent me the following press release that highlights the results of their recent survey on Psoriasis and bullying and it’s truly eye opening. Given the report this week on bullying in our Nation’s high schools, this is yet another wake up call that we have to do better in protecting our kids and teaching our kids about tolerance and empathy towards others in general.

I’ll blog more soon on what I speculate as possible reasons for this “mean kid culture” but for now, for today, let’s put our minds to Psoriasis and helping these kids feel less alone and more supported. It’s tough enough being a kid today and even tougher with a visible mark of a condition. No kid should ever have to be made to feel less of a person for being born with an autoimmune condition that they can’t control. Talk to your kids today about this so if they see a child in their school with Psoriasis, they’ll understand and not mock, bully tease or say anything more than “cool backpack” or “want to sit at our lunch table?”.

Childhood psoriasis and bullying: National Psoriasis Foundation survey snapshot

In conjunction with World Psoriasis Day 2010 and the theme of childhood psoriasis, the National Psoriasis Foundation surveyed parents of children with psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis to document their children’s challenges with bullying and discrimination as a result of the disease. Highlights from the survey are below.

Psoriasis and bullying:

During the past six months, nearly half (47.2%) of the children surveyed had been bullied at least once or twice. Of those bullied:

• 83.3% were teased.
• 44.4% were excluded or left out.
• 27.8% were called names.
• 22.2% were threatened or intimidated.
• 17% were hit, pushed or kicked.

38% of respondents who were bullied said the abuse was a direct result of his/her psoriasis or psoriatic arthritis.

Effects of bullying:

The emotional effect of bullying on children with psoriatic disease is great. As a result of bullying, those surveyed said:

• The most common reaction to the bullying was anxiety (65%).
• Almost half (47%) of those bullied reported crying.
• 23.5% said it caused them to have difficulties sleeping; 23.5% also said it caused a decrease in academic performance.
• 17.6% of those bullied said they choose not to participate in school/group activities.

Actions taken as a result of the bullying:

As a result of their child’s bullying, parents who responded report taking the following actions:

• 87% have educated their child’s teachers and school staff about psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis.
• 65% have spoken to the parents of their children’s friends about the diseases.
• 57% have educated their child’s classmates about the disease.

Respondent demographics:

• 50 people responded (n=50)
• 83.7% of children had psoriasis alone, 4.7% had psoriatic arthritis alone and 11.6% had both.
• 52% of children were in elementary school (grades 1-6), 26.2% were in high school, 14% were in pre-school/kindergarten and 7% were in middle school.
• 60% of children were female.

Childhood psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis is a serious issue

• The psychological impact of psoriasis can be particularly traumatic for children and adolescents, with teasing, bullying and discrimination commonly occurring. Of great concern, studies suggest that these negative experiences in adolescence may have long-term negative effects on self-esteem and anxiety levels in adulthood.
• Although frequently diagnosed between the ages of 15 and 25, psoriasis can appear at any time and affects children of all ages, including infants. Approximately 20,000 children are diagnosed with psoriasis each year.
• The onset of psoriatic arthritis in children often occurs between the ages of seven and 13 and can produce irreversible joint damage.
• There are no FDA-approved treatments for children with psoriasis, leading to challenges in insurance approvals and to potential long-term side-effects that come with use of medications intended for adults.
• An increased risk of obesity, which becomes more pronounced in adolescence, occurs in children with moderate to severe psoriasis as compared to the general child population.
• Obesity in early adulthood may increase the risk for developing psoriatic arthritis later in life.
• Studies indicate that in young people, psoriasis impacts quality of life, confidence and self-esteem more significantly than in other childhood diseases including epilepsy, diabetes and alopecia.
• National Psoriasis Foundation patient surveys indicate that half of children under age 10 find psoriasis to be a significant problem in their everyday life.

For additional information:

For more information about this issue brief or the results of the survey on childhood psoriasis and bullying, contact the National Psoriasis Foundation at 800.723.9166 or getinfo@psoriasis.org.

******************************************************************************************

If your child has been bullied or cyberbullied and you want to tell your story, contact Dr. Gwenn at media@pediatricsnow.com with the subject line bullying.

*You likely heard that Massachusetts is finally considering an anti-bullying law. It’s about time!

My kids have both been bullied over the years…have yours? It is one of the most challenging situations to handle in all of parenting and the dramatic increase in technology among today’s kids and teens and made bullying via technology a contributing factor. 25% of kids being bullied is too many already. 42% of kids being cyber-bullied is unthinkable…but is the estimated number being victimized via technology.

The impact of bullying on my kids lives wasn’t readily evident until I asked my 12 year old some questions for a book I was working on. I asked her the following question: “What are the biggest threats to your childhood today?” I had asked that to her older sister, almost 16, and heard answers such as too much homework, not enough time for friends and family, too much use of technology, too much pressure. My 12 year old turned to me and said “Bullies. I was bullied and it took something from me. It could happen again, you know.”

Of my two girls, she had the worst of the bullying and one of the situations was recent. We had thought she had “dealt with it” but clearly it was still plaguing her…she was almost carrying it around like a permanent tattoo, just under the skin, out of site, but palpable.

What we fail to realize as parents it that kids don’t categorize situations as we do. Situations we view as “not bad” or “mild” are still incredibly painful. In fact, in the case of bullying, all bullying hurts and its extremely challenging to categorize it. We can look back after the fact in some cases, such as the tragic suicide death of Phoebe Phoenix of South Hadley High School in South Hadley, Massachusetts, and recognize how intense that was with nothing being done.  However, all bullying is intense and does escalate. That means that we have to pay attention to each and every report of bullying and stop it before it gets to the point of no return for the victim and before they feel so helpless that he or she reaches for some extreme cry for help, as Phoebe did. Those extreme cries for help mean that the system and adults within that system have let that child down and failed to protect that child.

Massachusetts passing an anti-bullying law is an important measure but will mean nothing if schools and communities don’t do better in listening to children and protecting them when they turn to a trusted adult and say “I need help…I’ve been bullied”.

Bullying is a violent act. It’s time we take a stand for all our kids and simply say “No more! This ends today.”

*September 2010 Addendum to original column: When I first wrote this column, in early March of 2010, Massachusetts was just about to pass it’s anti-bullying law.  Two months later, Governor Patrick signed that bill into law. The law addresses bullying, cyberbullying and education of all staff and students. Here’s a well written review of the law and the issues.

Show 18: Bullies In Your Back Yard 2

Bullies are a huge problem for our kids today, on and offline. This week we continue our conversation by focusing on solutions that help our kids once we know our kids are being bullied. This week, we are joined by “the bully coach”, Dr. Joel Haber, who will offer practical suggestions for talking to our kids, working with the schools and sorting out when to seek additional help.

Show Time: 1pm ET

Show Date: Thursday April 1, 2010

About Joel Haber, PhD

Joel Haber, PhD is a clinical psychologist who has devoted more than 20 years in his practice to prevent and reduce bullying and abusive behaviors – from childhood through adulthood, in schools, camps, sports, home and the workplace.

Founder of the Respect USM program, Dr. Haber has authored numerous articles and led keynote sessions on topics including, bullying/cyberbullying, building resilience in children and families, parenting in the 21st century, and the changing dynamics of respect and civility.

His professional affiliations include the National Register of Psychology and the American Psychological Association. The author of numerous publications, he has been featured in a front-page article on bullying in the New York Times, appeared on CBS National News, CNN, and on NPR, ESPN radio, as well as in hundreds of newspaper and magazine articles. His 2nd book “Bullyproof Your Child for Life: Protect your Child from Teasing, Taunting and Bullying for Good” has been released from Penguin/Perigee. He is a national and international consultant to schools, and the national bullying consultant to the American Camp Association, providing material for emotional and physical safety to a million parents, camp staff and kids of all ages.

You can learn more about Dr. Haber here.

SHOW NUTS AND BOLTS

Listening To The Show Live: You have 2 ways to listen to the show live

1. From my show site. On the day of the show, you’ll see the “play/chat” button when it’s show time. Click the “play/chat” button and you’ll hear the show live. If you don’t see it, just refresh the browser.

2. From any phone (land, cell or skype) by calling 347-237-5194

Listening as a Registered Blog Talk Radio use

Registering with Blog Talk Radio is free and allows you to participate in a live Chat during each show, make shows “favorites”, become a “friend” of a show, and leave the host notes on the show page. Registering is easy and can be done from my show page.

Calling into the Show with a comment or question

When the show is on air, feel free to call in to ask a question: 347-237-5194, hit 1 to enter the switchboard and I’ll bring you on as soon as I can.

If you are listening with a headphone that has a mic, you can also click the “click to talk” button that you’ll see on the top of the Chat Room.

You can also twitter me questions during the show or before the show: twitter.com/drgwenn

Chat Room

If you are a registered user, after you sign in, once it’s show time just hit the green “Chat Now” button on my show page and the chat room will pop up. You’ll see your name and icon on the chat room participant list and then you’re good to go to start participating.

A quick technical note: the chat room has been having technical difficulties for many shows so I apologize ahead of time if you attempt to get in and we don’t have a chat that day.

Listening From The Archives

If you can’t listen live, you can listen to any show at any time from the archives on my show page or iTunes, under “Alternative Health”. When you use iTunes, don’t forget to rate the shows so you can help get A Dose of Dr. Gwenn on the iTunes favorites pages!!

Where can I find more information in any show you’ve aired?

Shows 1-9 have companion pages on Dr. Gwenn Is In where you’ll find links for more information and a summary of each show.

For more information on shows 10 and beyond, see my Delicious Bookmark page. Under each show’s specific date tag, you’ll find the links and headlines that helped make each show so unique.

Upcoming shows:

Upcoming topics include Bullies In Your BackYard 3 – becoming great digital citizens,  and other cyber issues such as Facebook and Tweens, Kids and Privacy,  and much more!

Check the show page for dates and times.

]]> http://www.pediatricsnow.com/2010/03/show-18-preview-bullies-in-your-back-yard-2-sensible-solutions-with-dr-joel-haber/feed/ 0 http://www.pediatricsnow.com/2010/03/a-dose-of-dr-gwenn-show-17-preview-bullies-in-your-back-yard-1/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=a-dose-of-dr-gwenn-show-17-preview-bullies-in-your-back-yard-1 http://www.pediatricsnow.com/2010/03/a-dose-of-dr-gwenn-show-17-preview-bullies-in-your-back-yard-1/#comments Thu, 18 Mar 2010 19:38:13 +0000 DrGwenn http://pediatricsnow.com/blog/?p=1207

Show 17: Bullies In Your Back Yard 1

Bullies are a huge problem for our kids today, on and offline. This week we start a multiweek conversation to try and figure out the problem, learn how to help our kids, and find ways to work with our schools and community groups to stop the bullies and help the victims.

Join me this week as we figure out what the problem is and sort out the many issues we need to think about to help our kids work through this complex issue.

Show Time: Noon ET

Show Date: Friday, March 26, 2010

(rescheduled from Friday March 19, 2010, cancelled due to technical issues)

SHOW NUTS AND BOLTS

Listening To The Show Live: You have 2 ways to listen to the show live

1. From my show site. On the day of the show, you’ll see the “play/chat” button when it’s show time. Click the “play/chat” button and you’ll hear the show live. If you don’t see it, just refresh the browser.

2. From any phone (land, cell or skype) by calling 347-237-5194

Listening as a Registered Blog Talk Radio use

Registering with Blog Talk Radio is free and allows you to participate in a live Chat during each show, make shows “favorites”, become a “friend” of a show, and leave the host notes on the show page. Registering is easy and can be done from my show page.

Calling into the Show with a comment or question

When the show is on air, feel free to call in to ask a question: 347-237-5194, hit 1 to enter the switchboard and I’ll bring you on as soon as I can.

If you are listening with a headphone that has a mic, you can also click the “click to talk” button that you’ll see on the top of the Chat Room.

You can also twitter me questions during the show or before the show: twitter.com/drgwenn

Chat Room

If you are a registered user, after you sign in, once it’s show time just hit the green “Chat Now” button on my show page and the chat room will pop up. You’ll see your name and icon on the chat room participant list and then you’re good to go to start participating.

A quick technical note: the chat room has been having technical difficulties for many shows so I apologize ahead of time if you attempt to get in and we don’t have a chat that day.

Listening From The Archives

If you can’t listen live, you can listen to any show at any time from the archives on my show page or iTunes, under “Alternative Health”. When you use iTunes, don’t forget to rate the shows so you can help get A Dose of Dr. Gwenn on the iTunes favorites pages!!

Where can I find more information in any show you’ve aired?

Shows 1-9 have companion pages on Dr. Gwenn Is In where you’ll find links for more information and a summary of each show.

For more information on shows 10 and beyond, see my Delicious Bookmark page. Under each show’s specific date tag, you’ll find the links and headlines that helped make each show so unique.

Upcoming shows:

Upcoming topics include Bullies In Your BackYard 2 and other cyber issues such as Facebook and Tweens, Kids and Privacy, Helping Raise Good Digital Citizens, and much more!

Check the show page for dates and times.

]]> http://www.pediatricsnow.com/2010/03/a-dose-of-dr-gwenn-show-17-preview-bullies-in-your-back-yard-1/feed/ 0 http://www.pediatricsnow.com/2009/11/ksro-radio-broadcast-of-8216don8217t8217-kick-a-ginger-day-facebook-bullying-originally-aired-112509-an-affiliate-of-cnn-radio/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=ksro-radio-broadcast-of-8216don8217t8217-kick-a-ginger-day-facebook-bullying-originally-aired-112509-an-affiliate-of-cnn-radio http://www.pediatricsnow.com/2009/11/ksro-radio-broadcast-of-8216don8217t8217-kick-a-ginger-day-facebook-bullying-originally-aired-112509-an-affiliate-of-cnn-radio/#comments Wed, 25 Nov 2009 00:00:00 +0000 DrGwenn http://drgwenn.tumblr.com/post/296918935

KSRO radio broadcast of ‘don’t’ kick a ginger day – Facebook bullying. Originally aired 11/25/09. An affiliate of CNN radio.

I experienced a really over the top call the other day.

Someone called my cell and started with “Oh, Gwenn, good…we have to talk about the alumni game. It’s a week away and there’s so much to do….”

The caller only identified herself by her first name and went on rattling off details for a bit before I finally interrupted her with:

Me: “Excuse me, I think you have the wrong person. I honestly don’t know what you are referring to but I’m not involved in any alumni game.”

Caller: “No, you’re Gwenn…right? You signed up to help with the alumni game. We talked about it in July at the sports meeting.”

Me: “Well, there’s the problem. I didn’t go to a sports meeting in July and am not part of that group. My first name is Gwenn but I suspect you’re looking for a different Gwenn. I’m Gwenn O’Keeffe.”

Caller: “You’re not Gwenn C….?”

Me: “No, I’m Gwenn O’Keeffe. You are seeking someone else.”

Dead silence on the other end. It was clear I was not going to get an apology so I added:

“If I may make a suggestion for next time you find yourself making a wrong number – just say your sorry and hang up. No need to come on so strong and jump down someone’s throat the way you did with me.”

No response….just a quick hang up.

People are becoming way too comfortable treating other people poorly and not thinking too much of it. It’s time we all take a stand and reclaim good manners – online, offline and on phones…for our sense of morality and to show our kids the way people the right way for people to treat each other!

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Just over a year ago, I blogged about an ABC News story about bullying that gave data that women are more likely in the workplace to be bullied by other women. This week on MomLogic, blogger Ronda Kaysen posted an almost identical post.

Reading Ronda’s post I was filled with mixed emotions. It’s a relief the cat’s out of the bag. Awareness does go a long way in helping find solutions so the young women of tomorrow, including our daughters, will be spared the pain many of us have endured. Yet, it’s disheartening that young women of today are still being bullied. Awareness becomes empty talk if we don’t couple it with concrete solutions for change.

Why is bullying of women in the workplace still such a major problem? Kayson offers this explanation for why we may which I completely agree with:

“…although women now make up more than 50 percent of the workforce, only 15.7 percent of Fortune 500 officers and 15.2 percent of directors are women, according to a 2008 census by the research group Catalyst.

Maybe women are part of the problem. Maybe we’re living up to the old adage of the crab in the barrel, where one crab tries to climb out of a barrel and all the other doomed crabs drag him (or in this case, her) back down.”

Think of women like magnets. Most are neutral in polarity and get along with everyone. Some are slightly polarized and figure out how to work together regardless of the properties of the other women. But, some women are strongly polarized and if the same polarity, like both being positive or both negative, they will repel each other as they come in proximity to each other. I picture bullies as being the strongly polarized sort – they sort of repel everyone a bit, even the ones they seem to get along with.

I’m reminded of an adage my daughters were taught in elementary school that I’ve posted before on this blog: don’t blow out my candle to make yours shine brighter.

It’s time we insist on reasonable work places that are bully-free. We’ve all worked too hard to get where we are to put up with anything less. Our candles deserve to shine bright in the work place! The only candles that should be blown out are the ones held by the bullies.

Have you ever been bullied? Even if you never thought of it as “bullying”, I’ll go out on a limb and propose that all of us have had at least one experience at some point that was so intense that it sat with us not only very negatively for a long while but impacted how we acted and what we believed about ourselves for a while after. If you are one of the few among us who have truly never had this unfortunately life experience, you should consider yourself truly lucky.

Studies are clear that bullying is bad for kids and can have ramifications into adult life. For this reason, most schools now have strict anti-bullying policies and many great programs have emerged to help kids learn to combat bullies and stand up for them. Stop Bullying Now is one of my favorites.

Bullying doesn’t end with childhood, though, does it? There is a reason that adult bullies are shown as characters on TV shows – adults bullies do exist and we need to find a way to stop that as firmly as we’ve stopped childhood bullying. ABCNews reported this week, in fact, that workplace bullying doesn’t just exist, but causes significant issues with those bullied.

According to ABC News, “(n)umerous studies on children have shown that being bullied can lead to low self-esteem and depression. Fresh analysis of data from 110 studies in the last 21 years tabulating workplace satisfaction and aggression has found that the effects of bullying had more negative effects than being sexually harassed in the workplace.”

What may surprise you to learn, says the ABC News story, is that a workplace bully is likely to be a female. And “bully targets at work are not always the introverted loners of the playground. They are often bright, social people. They are well-liked and respected, good at their jobs and typically have a strong sense of ethics and justice.

Part of the reason they are targeted is because they may possess skills that the bully does not have.”

I could very much relate to that article. Throughout my career, I’ve had snippets of superiors who found that public humiliation was the way to wield their power. I’ve had relatives have similar experiences out of medicine in their places of employment. And, the impact on all of us was intense. I recall feeling unsure of myself for a while, depressed and inefficient at work. Distance from the situation and recognizing that the issue was this other person’s power helped me. Counseling was what was needed for some friends and family members. By the way, for many of us, the bully was a female.

I’m personally glad the cat is out of the bag on workplace bullying. The time has come to stop this and make workplaces more positive and productive. With so many doctors leaving medicine, I can’t help wonder if the negative culture that persists past residency is part of the issue. Who needs that, when you think about it?!

What should you do if you feel bullied? Don’t tolerate it. As an adult, we have more choices than children. If you ever start to feel powerless, that is when you need to take a step back an get some help. Check out the links below. Not only are there many places to turn to for help, but 13 states and many more are getting anti-workplace laws on the books! You have rights and you have a voice!! Besides, for our children to stand up to bullies, we have to learn to do the same.

Bullying Institute
What to do about workplace bullies
UK Workplace Bullying Site
Bullying In The Workplace (Canada Safety Council)
Workplace Bullying Law Site

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