Technology sometimes gets a bad rap but the truth is it can be one of the best ways to stay in touch with the people we care about. Whether’s it’s a quick, “hi” or a reminder to your kids about that appointment after school, I find some forms of technology, especially texting, can be incredibly powerful.

So, this Sunday, on Mother’s Day, send Mom a text. And, if you want to add a special digital twist, add an emoticon of flowers!

I’m sure you’ve heard of screen free week. It happens twice a year, in the fall and spring. In fact, it’s this week. Not too long ago, it was known as “TV turn off week”. That worked well when we used to just have TVs as screens. But, we all know that TVs account for the least of our screen time. Cell phones, smart phones, computers, video games. Our lives are truly consumed with screens.

I could quote you studies and data but I won’t. You can Google that if you want to. I’ll just tell you my observations in my own life since screens have take over our daily routines:

1. I don’t feel as productive as in the pre-digital days – the days before Facebook, Twitter, texting. The constant bombardment of information and distraction definitely changes the pace of how I work, concentrate and complete projects.
2. My focus feels different in this very digital life. There are days I can can feel the push-back from my brain yelling to me: “Just unplug and pull out a pad of paper!”  Full disclosure – I do that sometimes and it does recharge my batteries.
3. My husband bought me a Nook a couple years ago for Mother’s Day to eliminate schlepping books and magazines since I’m on the road so much. It is awesome for that purpose and I do like being able to carry some references I otherwise wouldn’t have on hand. But, I don’t find I read as quickly on the Nook as I did when I was a “real book reader”. To me, the experience is different.
4. People don’t socialize the way they used to pre-social media. There used to be a lot more gathering and talking on the phone. Adults, like kids, now gather on Facebook and call it a day.

I make a point of unplugging regularly, as does my family. During those unplugged times, I feel more centered. My brain feels less “noisy” and more centered. And, I’m definitely more productive. For us, we hunt for times we can unplug because we’ve seen the benefit – adults and teens.

Screen Free Week, like all awareness weeks, exists to help remind us of something important for the health of our families. Instead of viewing it as a “OMG I have to cut out screens for a week!” sort of thing, which only adds stress, view it as an opportunity to take stock in where you can make some changes that will last throughout the entire year. After all, we both know that adults need screens for work, many kids need screens for school, and families need some screens, namely cell phones, to stay in touch during the day for safety. Those “have to” screens are not what this week is about. This week is about cutting out the extra screen time: using cell phones in the car, texting and surfing the web at the dinner table, watching TV or a movie when the family could be playing a board game or outside taking a walk or tossing a ball around.  And, this week is about finding time for everyone to have time to be by themselves for some old fashioned “me time”…time to listen to music, read a book, hang out with a friend, sans technology. We all need that sort of time, too.

Don’t view this week as all or nothing – do what you can and keep working at it. Any reduction in screen time you can accomplish for you and your family will pay forward for all of you each and every day.

Teaching kids how to be social online is challenging. Actually, teaching them just how to be social is challenging because they don’t have the solid offline experience as past generations of kids had because of technology. So much of their childhoods are now spent in the digital realm that their social lives are being played out there more than ever before. So, it should come as no surprise that many are having trouble sorting how to communicate with each other and with adults.

In Chapter 7 of CyberSafe, Screen Time and Childhood, I give some suggestions for helping kids with this. Interestingly, most of these also apply to the offline world, too! This week’s Digital Bytes are the take home messages from that chapter, my “Online, and Offline, Guide to Social Conduct”:

1. Treat people as you’d have them treat you.
2. Don’t write anything online you would feel uncomfortable saying to a person live or over the phone.
3. Shooting from the hip never produces good results. Coutn to 10 and then think before you write or speak.
4. Calling people names is a form of bullying.
5. Gossiping is a form of slander. For kids, this means that it’s not a good thing to do and can get you into a lot of trouble. For adults, people have ot realize that gossip can have a significant kickback that goes beyond public embarrassment. You never know who is around, so be careful who you talk about and the setting you are talking in.
6. Don’t use code online – use real words and full sentences. Code can be difficult to interpret and sometimes has meanings beyond what you intend.
7. Never give out personal information online or off.
8. Don’t email or post inappropriate pictures of videos.
9. Never keep secrets from your parents, online or off, and let your parents know if someone asks you to do so. Nice people don’t want kids to keep secrets from their parents.
10. If you are ever in a dangerous or destructive, or unsafe situation online or off, find a grown-up right away.
11. Adults are not the enemy – they have judgement you don’t yet have. Don’t be mad if a grown-up in your life tries to get you to talk about something you are doing online or off. They grownups job is ot keep you safe, which is also one of the best ways the grown-up can show you he or she cares.

The real trick to teaching these tips to your kids is to not wait until they are in middle school…that’s too late. Start as soon as they are social and using digital technology. In today’s culture, that’s actually in preschool. So, when you teach your young children about how to be nice offline, add in how to be nice when talking on the cell phone or typing a text or email to the grandparents. The younger your start, the better of they will be when more independent – which will happen in a blink of an eye.

So, when should you get your kids online? Stay tuned. I’ll talk about that soon…but not next week because next week is screen free week – a week we should focus on being outside, unplugged and with our families, living life the way it was before the world of i-everything.

We spend a good amount of time sending a receiving digital messages each and every day. From quite texts that amount to “LOL” to more elaborate emails, tweets and Facebook posts, our social lives have shifted from landlines, kitchen tables and even coffee shops to these virtual gathering spots.

Most days, everything goes smoothly. But, once in a while, we hit a digital snag. Perhaps one of these scenarios sounds familiar or has even happened to you:

1. Someone sends you a text, email or Facebook message that riles you up so feverishly reply back and hit send before you give yourself a chance to let your emotions settle. As they do, you wonder: “Perhaps that message was too much. Should I have waited to send it or not sent it at all?”
2. You sent an email or text intended for one person to another person by mistake…or to a group of people?

As we gain more experience with digital communications, we’ve learned to build in some internal pauses to prevent these sorts of mishaps from occurring. Most of us have figured out that communicating with a screen, as opposed to a person, isn’t as easy as it appears. We know that sometimes it’s best to pick up a phone or schedule a face to face meeting – even if that’s via Skype.

Our kids, though, don’t understand that yet. For them, the faceless connection is a major hurdle. In most situations, they’d handle the similar situation much more adeptly if face to face but behind the anonymous computer everything can fall apart quickly.
As I wrote in on page 176, Chapter 17, of CyberSafe:

“As we’ve seen, many online issues with teens and tweens occur because of the power of anonymity. If they are reminded that there is a real person behind the computer, that often changes their behavior and outlook considerably. In addition to talking with kids about their digital footprints, I use the mnemonic RITE to make kids pause and think about what they are posting online.”

Helping kids understand the RITE posting concept is a great way to avoid these digital snafus and is grounded in what we do every day when we post:

R: Reread every message to be sure it sounds OK and is what you really want to send.
I: Imagine if you were the one receiving the message…would you be upset or hurt by what it says?
T: Think about whether it needs to be sent now or can it wait a bit. Sometimes waiting and re-reading the message later can avoid a big mess later on. (You may even find that you’d rather not send the message afterall!)
E: hit the Enter button only after you are satisfied that R-I-T are to your satisfaction.

Your kids want to get it right…so help them make their messages RITE!

New this week, Pediatrics Now is serving up a new feature, Digital Bytes…a small snapshot of advice aimed to help you and your family negotiate our expanding 24/7 digital world – which includes ways to disconnect.  From the online to the offline world, each Friday I’ll give you a new Digital Byte to inspire, educate, and, sometimes, even get you to laugh.

Here week go…the inaugural Digital Byte: Are you TECH Savvy?

T*E*C*H:  My mnemonic for keeping kids safe on social media sites. It’s a simple way to remember the steps you should take before you hit “send” for anything you do online: send an email, text, comment on Facebook, Tweet…you get the idea. You likely do these steps automatically but your kids haven’t had the technological and life experience to have these steps internalized yet. That’s where you come in. You can be your kids’ digital coach. Review these steps and once in a while review a few of your kids’ posts just to be sure everything seems to be going ok.

So, to help your kids be the TECH savvy posters you want them to be, teach them the following 4 simple steps:

Talk to your kids about what they are using for digital technology and what they’d like to use.

Educate yourself (about the technology so you can use it), your kids about the issues online to be aware of, our communities about why this is a global issue as well as a family issue.

Check your kids’ social media logs and profiles often to be sure they are not getting in over their heads and posting appropriately.

Have a family media use plan that every one in the home agrees to and signs, including adults.

Have a great week and check back next Friday for a new Digital Byte.

Have you noticed that people don’t want to commit to “facetime” events any more? I’m talking the real facetime – the kind that gets people in the same room interacting – not the iPhone Facetime that is essentially a video chat! These days, people would rather catch an event on DVR, the web or a podcast than give up any time in their schedule for anything that could put them in situation that may result in a true interaction.

Think about it…people used to meet for coffee, “do lunch”, and attend evening events in communities. Not so much anymore. Coffee and lunch places are still busy – but with people on computers, iPads and cell phones. And live events? Hit or miss. The big ones at professional meetings do fill up but the smaller, community events are incredibly spotty and getting more so by the week. I’ve been in auditoriums where a speaker was to speak for an intended audience of over 100 with only 20 people present in the end. I’ve been in bookstores for author events with only a smattering of people stopping at the table. As a speaker an author, I’ve seen this occur at my events as well as my colleagues – and together we cover a wide range of topics. If people are waiting for the event to get posted online, they’ll end up disappointed. Most community events don’t get taped. Groups just don’t have those types of budgets.

It used to mean something to attend an event. Whether we knew the speaker or host or not, there was a social value and community support aspect we all enjoyed and respected. Those values are quickly vanishing and that worries me. Have we  become so  busy and so used to the superficial connections of online social networking that we’ve forgotten what it means to have true societal connections??

Whether a talk on parenting or cybersafety, or a performance from a local group, nothing can replace true conversation and interaction. It’s not the same to hear a person give a webcast or hear a talk that was given yesterday today online. You miss out on the chance to ask your questions. The value of talks given by experts in a town is to have access to that expert so you can become a bit more informed on that topic. If you’re a school teacher or administrator, these talks can help you improve your schools health and give you ideas for future talks and curricula. For parents, these talks can help you understand your kids better and give you a sense of when to reach out to other experts in your own community such as your own pediatrician.

If we don’t stop and start valuing our true relationships more, our kids will never learn the true value of friendship or support. They learn those lessons from us and how we manage our relationships. And, they learn from us how to manage busy schedules. If you pause your busy schedule to hear a talk that’s important to you, they’ll learn that pausing schedules from time to time is part of life. They’ll learn that sometimes it’s ok to say “I don’t have to go to soccer today because something has come up that is a one time conflict that is more important. There will be more soccer practices – but not another chance to hear this speaker.”

So, next time a friend or colleague hosts an event in your community, at a school, bookstore, library – go. And, bring a friend.  You’ll benefit and so will your community.

Happy almost-Passover! This cartoon never gets old for me because it is truly like a scene from one of my family’s seders. We actually do have moments like this – some driven by what’s in the Haggadah which interestingly reads like this cartoon, and some driven by relatives who become caught up in the moment of Haggadah prose which never seems to quite make sense, with or with out the 4 glasses of wine in the mix!

It’s hard to believe that it’s been just about 18 years since I hosted my very first seder – very pregnant with our oldest daughter, who now is starting a college hunt. Talk about time flying.

We attempted to cram about 20 people in our small first condo and recruited a great deal of help to pull it off. In addition to various relatives bringing key dishes to for the meal, my Nana not only coached me through the logistics of the seder and how to pull off the event, but came with the most essential elements: the Passover plate, some super-sized table clothes, the matzoh cover and Haggadahs. She brought them over in a big cardboard box that I dubbed “Passover in a box”. We actually still have that box and use all those items to this day – except the Haggadahs…more on that in a moment.

The Haggadah is the story of Passover and takes us through the seder from start to finish until we get to the much anticipated meal. In the Haggadah are a few fan favorites: the 4 glasses of wine, the 4 Questions, the plagues, the explanation of the Seder plate complete with moments to eat (which is key since some Seders can take a LONG time to go through), and many passages that explain Moses’ exodus from Egypt and escape from the Pharaoh. Like clockwork, regardless of whose house we happen to be at, regardless of the Haggadah we are using, I always seem to end up with the passage of the Rabbis, complete with long and complicated names, that usually occurs after glass 3 of the wine!

Those childhood Sedars were completely chaotic. My grandparents’ living room and dining room were separated by an open arched room. The grand kids and my grandparents would be on the dining room side of the arch, near the kitchen, and the adults on the living room side of the arch. Somewhere around wine glass #2, the adults would get antsy and the kids a bit bored. My Grandfather would just forge ahead and ignore the raucous until we were at the end of the story where the text read “Dinner Is Served”.

The Haggadah passed on to me was much loved by my Grandfather. I’m not really sure where he found it but it was very, very old and didn’t often make sense. So, it’s no wonder everyone was always a bit confused about the story by the time dinner arrived. The story was so disjointed, none of us ever recall it containing the plagues. I always assumed it was due to creative editing from my Grandpa to get to the meal and control the wild chaos of our family. I couldn’t have been more wrong!

Eighteen years ago, reading the same Hagaddah start to finish, we all learned an interesting tidbit: the famed plagues were actually omitted from Grandpa’s Haggadah. Now, we’re about as reform as you an get as a family but to not have plagues in a Passover Haggadah is pushing the limits even for us!

So began a family quest for a more up to date Haggadah. We had simple requirements: it had to be fun, able to be read in 15-20 minutes and contain the plagues! We have found many over the years which have met these requirements. In addition to formal Haggadahs, many children’s stories about Passover have also emerged which we’ve found creative ways to build into our seders. The Rugrats Passover, for example, was a staple at our family Seder when our kids were very little and has made a comeback now that other relatives have started having kids.

Incorporating the Rugrats into our sedar was one of those 11th hour ideas that we tried one year and was so wildly successful that we ended up using that as the cornerstone of the Seder. In addition to grounding the Seder around a book that the kids could relate to, that same year we had the kids make plagues and act them out when the time was right. Both traditions still persist today in various forms in our family which has not only made the Seder a lot of fun but has helped keep the kids of different ages involved and engaged.

The take home message from our experience is that what makes holidays like Passover fun is evolving them as your family evolves. There is no “right” way to do this. Do what works for you and be open minded as to how others want to celebrate. There is a wrong way, though…forcing kids to sit through a long, boring, adult-focused evening! If having a more traditional seder is important to you, perhaps have it be an adult only event until the kids are old enough to participate.

Time to go dust off “Passover in a box” and do some baking and cooking. Our Seder may not be “traditional” but it will be fun and capture the essence of what my Nana told me holidays are always about – a gathering of family and friends.

If the chaotic face time seder stops working out, we can always try the Facebook Haggadah!

(image)

Last weekend, we decided to head out for a quick lunch at our local Boston Market. Once we received our food and drinks, we went to find a table and walked the table you see able – abandoned plates and food. You don’t come into a place like this not knowing you bus your own tables. That’s the MO of these places. So, to leave your mess for someone else is beyond rude – it basically says you don’t care that someone else has to do extra work; you don’t care others know you have this trait; and you don’t care that your kids will see you doing this and pick up your bad habit.

Watching the staff clean the table I have no doubt they were thinking “this is so not in my job description” as well as “I’m not getting paid enough to have to deal with this ***!!!***” – and wishing they had a clearing posted sign like this to point to for patrons who failed to have the common decency to follow the simple p’s and q’s of eating out at fast food restaurants:

Makes me think this image may not be so far fetched after all:

I couldn’t have conjoured up more contrasting images if I had tried. A poor community on the outskirts of New Delhi, with homes without roof tops, young children running around with little clothing, people washing openly in the front yard, and men shaving in huts on the side of streets.

Yet, plentiful were people walking with cell phones, satelitte dishes on the top of homes, and glows of TVs through open windows.

Indeed, these images on the streets of India I won’t soon forget.

So, when you read this article by the BBC, know it’s true.

We take for granted basic needs others don’t even know exist. It’s easy for us to see images from countries like India and wonder why some people don’t “demand” more. The honest truth is they simply don’t know to. Countries like India are deeply grounded in tradition and history. Even the most basic practices of how to dress and care for one’s self are grounded in tradition and passed from one generation to another. Only through education and reform will that change – and will people in the rural areas learn that there is a better and more healthy way.

At the same time, these same people struggling to understand basic human issues are gravitating to technology just like everyone else.

In the end, it’s that need to connect and the power of technology that will help countries like India help people help themselves more. Via educational tools on those technologies, people can slowly learn new ways.

Of course, all this will take time. But, the seeds have been planted. And, it will be exciting to watch as the roots take hold and grow.

As we all become more connected to one another, perhaps we can all learn more about how to better care for the people in each other’s backyards need a helping hand.

Have you heard of the Cinnamon Challenge? It’s actually been around for over a decade but returned in the media thanks to flurry of YouTube videos, 35,000 of them, in fact, with over 65 million views for the top ten videos alone.

This phenomenon is so popular it’s spawned a life of it’s own in social media land with a Twitter account and Facebook page, each with sizable followings of over 10,000.

The best way to describe this trend is, to coin David Letterman, “stupid human tricks”…except this one can have serious, and even deadly, health consequences.

To help you understand not only the health dangers from the cinnamon dangers but what this means in terms of being involved with our kids social media lives, I went on Fox News Boston today to talk about not only the health issues with the cinnamon challenge but what this means in terms of our need to be involved in our kids social media lives.

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