Mom, Can I have a cell phone? All my friends have one...
Question #6, June 2006
Q) Dear Mom:
Can I have a cell phone? All my friends have one...
Love, your daughters
A)
I’ve lost count how many times I have had this question asked to me this year – and it seems to increase with each passing month. In my almost 12 year old daughter’s mind, there is an urgency of sorts – she is entering Middle School in September. Leaving behind the land of little kids and officially entering the land of big – well, big-ish. She has a very persistent campaign manager – her 8 ½ year old sister who has been busy polling all her friends with older siblings. The thinking is this. If big sis has a phone, I get a phone. Many of their friends already have phones and I learned from a mom I was chit-chatting with last week that 2 of her first grade son’s friends have phones.
If you are like me, you start with your own field research – what have your friends and colleagues with older kids done for cell phones? This is one topic where I’ve found little consistency but many similar issues that people do consider.
First, there really is no agreed upon age but Middle School does appear to be the most common time for families to consider getting their child a designated cell phone. By Middle School, our kids are getting more independent and they are at activities more and more by themselves. Many also walk home or to the local stores with their friends and are often home alone for a little while alone, or with siblings. With payphones hard to come by, a cell phone in these situations could be a huge asset should your child need to reach you.
After talking to many friends and colleagues, I’ve compiled a list of questions that can help you sort out whether adding a cell phone makes sense for your family.
- Is your tween/teen home after school alone?
- Does your tween/teen walk home from school alone or with friends?
- Does your tween/teen often spend time away from home at overnight camp or at friends’ houses?
- Does your tween/teen participate in activities where there is no handy phone to call you in a pinch?
- Is your teen/tween starting to attend parties, either at school or at friends’ houses?
- Does your teen have a driver’s license or is starting to be in a car with older teenaged licensed-drivers?
- Does your teen/tween ride on moving vehicles away from home, such as bikes, roller blades or skateboards?
- Is your tween/teen starting to walk to the local pizza shop or store with friends to grab a snack?
- Is your teen/tween starting to baby-sit?
- Does your teen have a job?
But the story does not end here. If we do decide to get a cell phone, what responsibilities should we expect from our tween/teen? Think about it - the phone costs money. How will your teen/tween contribute to the phone and the bills? What about abuse of the phone should your child make calls that are not urgent or emergent or necessary? What will the consequences be when that occurs (and you know it will!)?
I’d suggest a payment plan of sorts and a contract that both you and your tween/teen sign. And, avoid phones with bells and whistles – they just tempt fate and drive up monthly costs. Even the internet and AIM costs money. Plus, the more ways your tween/teen has to contact the world, the less you know who your child is really in touch with.
You’ll notice that I refer to tweens and teens . In my wildest dream, I really can’t come up with a reason why an elementary school child would need a cell phone. If you do, please let me know – really. This is un-chartered territory so us parents need to learn from each other, and stick together!
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