Let kids take their time in the Game of Life

Have you ever really looked at the game of “Life”? It’s the same game we played as kids except that the station-wagons are now SUV’s. We were playing Life one evening when my first grader hit the “get married” space and seemed annoyed – “My peg does not want to get married – she just wants to shop”. Then my third grader added “My peg will get married but the husband can sit in back with the kids – I have work to do!” Seemed no harm in either idea so we just went on from there – afterall, this was their “game of life”.

Don’t you wish that “real life” were as simple as the “game of life”? When we were kids, the bar to success did not start to raise until middle school and beyond for most activities. Even when my friends and I showed “promise” in an instrument or sport, the “next level” was not even offered in the community or beyond until the early teen years. And, I remember many friends not trying something new until the teen years and going on to success in those areas.

Nowadays, the story is very different. If a child does not start an instrument or a sport or any other activity for that matter by early elementary school, they quickly get out of step with the skills needed to join the pack later on. And, the intensity expected at such young ages is mind-boggling. When our 9 year old asked us to look into girls hockey this year, we were shocked to hear from coaches of youth leagues: “You’d better sign her up now – she’s already on the old side to start”. And, we were even more shocked by the time commitment: Saturday and Sunday for 3 hours each day – and very early in the morning. What about sleep, downtime, family time? What about trying out other activities?

What I find alarming is how much of this phenomenon was predicted almost 2 decades ago – long before this level of intensity. Dr. David Elkind, Professor of Child Life at Tufts University, wrote his well known book The Hurried Child in 1988 and in that first edition wrote: “The pressure to grow up fast, to achieve earlyin the areas of sports, academics, and social interaction is very great in middle-class America. There is no room today for the “late bloomer”.

Carleton Kendrick, Ed.M, LCSW, therapist for the Family Education Network in Boston, comments in his article “The Hurried Child, Revisited”, from familyeducation.com, that “Forget The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. That’s petty larceny. How about the Country That Stole Childhood? Now that’s grand theft!” And, the sacrifice our kids pay physically and emotionally for this drive for early success and perfection is huge – on them and on families in general. While learning to achieve and work for a goal is important for our children, like Dr. Elkind and Mr. Kendrick, I’m not sure the lesson needs to be so intense so young.

Taking the first step towards stealing our kids’ childhoods back may not be as difficult as you may think. Mr. Kendrick suggests that next time “you see your kid “doing nothing” whether she’s sitting on the front steps, seeming to stare into space, or making a space colony under the dining room table, or re-reading a comic book for the 100th time, let her be. She’s just taking a little time out of her busy day to have a childhood”.

I’m thinking of going on a “Game of Life” strike and not playing it with my kids again until Hasbro revises the game board adds a third path at the start - the “remain a kid as long as possible” path. On second thought, I think I’ll just write it into the game I’ve already got.

© 2005 Pediatrics Now.
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