My high school daughter left for school the other day in her sneakers. If it weren’t for the fact that our driveway is a bit of a hill and we’re surrounded by mounds of snow, and the day before were slammed with 6 more inches of snow and an ice storm significant enough to close school for the afternoon and evening I’d think nothing of it. I’m not entirely sure, to be honest, how she made it up our hill, down the next hill to the bus stop or traversed around her open campus school that day…but she did!

I asked her about her footware decision when she arrived home later that day. She was honest about her choice. “It boiled down to function vs. fashion”, she told me with a smile. “My boots would have been better for the ice but simply didn’t match my outfit. The sneakers were truly the only choice. You know how that goes.”

Thinking as an adult, boots seemed like the best option. However, having been a teenage girl, I saw her point. However, as an adult, the boots truly were the better option…and the safer one for the cold, the ice and the snow. It occurred to me that if I didn’t handle the situation in a way that resonated with her teen sense of style, the sneakers would win out next time, too.

So, this is how I responded:

“I see your point. Boots wouldn’t have worked with that outfit. Perhaps next time we have an ice storm you could consider a more boot-appropriate outfit so you don’t slide into a building or down the hill into oncoming traffic?”

Then I added: “Remember, your sister ended up with a whopping case of frostnip a few years back when we went skiing wearing ski boots and the proper socks. And, those toes still bother her today when it’s really cold outside.”

Without us locking horns or having a big fight, she’s been wearing her boots again. With teens, it’s all in the approach and once in a while us parents luck out in how we accomplish that. This time, I got through and won the boot battle sans battle.

It’s tough to get kids to wear winter-appropriate garb, The best approach is to help them understand from a young age why the weather can be dangerous and that we’re not just being parental nags when we force upon them all these clothing rules. Use books, the internet and other adjuncts to teach them why you are doing what you are doing so they have a frame of reference. It helps kids to know there’s actual fact behind our edicts. And, it helps if we practice what we preach. We can’t very well expect our kids to don their finest winter grab if we don’t do the same.

Fashion is seasonal. Sometimes we have to be the ones to remind our kids of that – and be strong enough to enforce it. They might not “feel cold” but we have to remind them that there’s a reason that cold weather shelters open during cold advisories and recess gets cancelled. Even ski slopes issue advisories and shut down when necessary.

Function or fashion? Sometimes you can have both but when it comes to weather safety, function has to win out, all the time.

(Image: http://www.shoes.com/ProductImages/shoes_iaec1230091.jpg)

Did you catch Harry’s Law the other night? If not, you missed a fantastic episode on teen cyberbullying.

The episode covered the complex social dynamic that typically leads to bullying and teen bullying:

*socially awkward teens being taunted by the “popular teens”

*closeted gay teens and the impact of tht

*the ways teens act out when feeling marginalized from taunts to blogs

In this episode, a teen feeling marginalized and taunted by other teens began a blog to direct her anger. Over time, the blog grew and her targets grew. Her last victim was a girl named Hannah, a girl who had previously picked on her who also turns out to be a closeted lesbian. This teen, Sela, outed Hannah in her blog and Hannah ended up committing suicide.

Given this is a legal drama, I’m sure you’re not surprised that charges were brought against Sela for Hannah’s death. Harry was brought into represent Sela.

The court room scenes are with watching, especially the closing argument of Harry. In her statements, she points out some issues with the big picture that are compelling and often not discussed openly when situations like this occur in the real world. The main issues she raised include:

1. “Snarky” blogs and mean-spirited journalism is the norm in today’s society. She gave the examples of the Huffington Post, Daily Beast and Perez Hilton

2. “Cruelty sells and sells big”, which is why these media outlets exist and thrive.

3. The message to not discuss “gayness” openly is entrenched in our society. Harry pointed out that men and women can serve in our armed forces and be killed protecting our country but, until recently, could not admit to being gay. Hannah sadly grew up feeling she had to keep her sexual orientation a secret due to the current norms of society.

4. Harry points out the situation is a suicide, not a homicide.

5. Her final points:

a. “This is who and what we are as a nation so please let’s not lay this on Sela”

b. The responsibility for this situation is on many hands. “Don’t blame 1 kid with a snark blog”.

You can watch the closing argument yourself here. Start at 30:35.

Sela was found not guilty.

This episode drives some important points home:

1. Cyberbullying is multifactorial and we have to remember that.

2. Everyone loses in situations like this and everyone needs help – the perpetrator, the victim, and the families.

3. More times than not, these cases are not criminal and should not be treated as such. Instead, we need to focus on prevention and education.

4. Mean-ness is pervasive in our society. Perhaps if we work on that, these incidents will not only become less frequent as story lines, but as real life situations.

I have a theory that we were nicer as a society before technology took over to the degree it has. I’ll post more on this soon.

As a new school year is about to begin, I’m reminded of a conversation I had with my oldest teen once she began high school:

“Hey mom”, my 15 year old said as she walked in the living room with that ‘I’ve been thinking about my life’ look that teens get once they enter high school. “How much homework did you have when you were my age?”

“This could potentially be a trap”, I thought. “Answer carefully”, I told myself.

“Well…,” I began cautiously, trying to read the look on her face – trying to see if she was just curious or about to have a HUGE stress out moment because of having too much homework that night.

“It does seem like you have more homework than Daddy and I had when we were in High School. But…our afterschool lives were also not quite as full.”

She gave me a blank look before responding.

“I think we have too much homework and we need more time to be kids. You and Daddy tell me that you and your friends used to do things and have time to hang out on weekends and stuff. My friends and I don’t have that. We even have tons of homework on weekends. THIS – IS – JUST –WRONG!!”

Then she added: “THEY…”, she pointed to her book bag, “ are stealing are childhood!”

I didn’t say anything in response just yet.

“So”, she continued. “Do you think we have too much homework? Do you think our childhoods have been stolen?”

I didn’t want to freak her out, but the truth is I did think she was right and knew the data supported her observation. So, I simply replied. “Times are different today but I have to agree the homework seems excessive. Perhaps there’s a way you and your friends can look into this and see if so much homework is needed.”

“That’s a great idea! Our Principal seems like a really cool guy. We’ll do some research.”

With that, she left, seeming more at ease.

In truth, our kids have much more homework than we had, as well as more overloaded afterschool lives. How much more homework? About 50% more!

Kids need a balance of education, extracurricular activities and free time. Since we were kids, so much attention has focused on programming their lives that no room has been left for our kids to water their own childhoods and to grow them in the direction of their choosing.

We live in a time of excess and the concept of moderation has flown out the window. Our kids can’t keep having every aspect of their lives pushed to the max: homework, afterschool activities, school sports.

TIME Magazine ran a very interesting article on The Myth About Homework that not only echoes my daughter’s concerns but tosses out some intriguing solutions, such as homework limits. The article points out what I’m seeing in my daughter, her friends and teens nationwide: the push on homework is actually backfiring – our kids are getting burned out and turned off to learning.

So, it’s time we support the movement my daughter and so many other teens nationwide are demanding in their lives. This is their childhood and they deserve time to explore more than just books and word problems.

BTW, the data is on the side of the teens with this one. More free time is exactly what their lives need for better learning…and better health!

Do your tweens and teens feel their childhoods are under attack either from too much homework or too many activities…or any other reason? If so, you are very much not alone. There is a solution – speak up in your communities so we can stop the clock on this madness.

Do your kids text?

My youngest teen has a friend who loves to text but doesn’t get that it exists on a phone that

1. has an off switch

2. belongs to a person who may be busy when the text comes in an unable to return the text right away.

So, there has been some lags in returning texts with this friend and some texts have been missed. Inevitably, about once a day, almost like clock work, my daughter will receive a text from this friend “are you mad at me, you’re not returning my texts?”

This gal, P, is incredibly sweet and relatively new to the town. Her family is originally from another country but has been in the States for a few years so that shouldn’t be a huge issue at this point. What is new for P is her cell phone and use of texting, though. And, she’s driving all of her friends a bit crazy because once she’s home after school she’ll start to text all of her friends and ask each of them if there is something “going on” if one of them doesn’t return a text.

At the suggestion of us moms, my daughter and her friends have tried to explain to P how texting works and that she shouldn’t be upset if a text isn’t returned right away. They’ve tried to explain to her that if something is really important to call their cells or to call the main number at their houses. They’ve explained that they all have activities after school and often don’t have their cells on. Some of them have explained that they are not allowed to text after a certain time, too.

P’s response: “But, are you mad at me?” She just doesn’t seem to get the bigger picture of textiquette – and is clearly going through an insecure time socially. The two together are a tough mix.

Texting is a gigantic part of tween and teen life and the lifeline to each other. For texting to be incorporated into their social lives in a healthy way, though, tweens and teens need to understand some boundaries so misunderstandings can be avoided.

The best way to help this age group to understanding textiquette is to explain to them the following facts:

1. Texting is sometimes a two way street and sometimes a FYI.  Remember everyone is busy and be patient because for someone to respond, that person has to be available to respond. Your friend may be in a lesson, having dinner, or even sleeping!

2. Texting requires the phone to be on! If you don’t hear back from your friend, the phone could be off.

3. Don’t talk about important issues or emotional issues by text. Texting doesn’t allow for in depth talking and is too easy to misinterpret. Phone calls or inperson conversations are better for true talks.

4. If your friend tells you, “I’m busy and can’t text”, respect it. Everyone has busy lives, even kids!

5. If your friend tells you, “I can’t text, my parents tell me I’m at my limit”, respect it. Not everyone has unlimited text plans and some families don’t allow texting when at home or past a certain time at home.

P reminds us how technology amplifies the normal insecurity of the age. If we help our kids feel more comfortable with the social norms of the technology they are using, they’ll navigate the social waters on and off line with a lot more confidence.

By now you’ve seen all the headlines about last spring’s new AAP clinical report and “Facebook Depression”. I’m sure those sound bytes and headlines caused you to stop your channel surfing and click on a webpage or two, which created a firestorm of media buzz. Unfortunately, it also created a great deal of confusion that I’m certain I can help with. How can I be so certain? Because I’m the lead author of the clinical report and can tell you with 100% accuracy that this report is not at all about Facebook Depression, although it does mention it in passing.

The title of the clinical report says it all:

“The Impact of Social Media on Children, Adolescents, and Families”.

The media has reported this new publication as a study but that is incorrect. We did not do new research but reported on the state of current research and data in social media that impacts the health and well being of children.  As a clinical report, we included the main areas of social media that pediatricians need to be aware of to inform them of the many ways social media affects kids of all ages and families, positively and negatively, in their health, growth and development.  The report, by definition, is descriptive and meant to guide pediatricians to areas to pay attention to when seeing families in the clinical setting. We relied on the best available evidence available to us at the time we prepared the clinical report and the top experts in the fields of pediatrics, psychiatry, law and social media in and out of the AAP.

Like you’d suspect, we offer up a variety of statistics to summarize the social media landscape and give our colleagues a sense of how kids and teens are using social media in their lives. We then move on to the meat of the paper.

First up, the benefits of social media. This is an entire page of the 5 page report and go through a variety of ways social media enhances kids lives.

Next up, the risks. There are three big areas: cyberbullying and harassment, sexting, then Facebook Depression. The latter is the smallest section occupying only 1/6 of a page. In that section, we note clearly that this is a “new phenomenon” and clearly state that it is “defined as “depression that develops when preteens and teens spend a great deal of time on social media sites, such as Facebook, and then begin to exhibit classic symptoms of depression.”

The next sections are “privacy concerns and the digital footprint” followed by  “the influences of advertisements on buying” and then “On Too Young: mixed messages from parents and the law”.

We end with a section called “The Role of The Pediatrician” which is really the main emphasis of the clinical report. In that section we help pediatricians pull together how to help families in the clinical setting with advise that is aimed to help families talk together and work on beefing up their digital skills.

As for the media hype over “Facebook Depression”, we stand by what we reported and are in good company with other experts who see social media sites such as Facebook setting teens up for this phenomenon.

On  My Health News Daily, for example, the following expert opinions were noted:

Dr. Scott Campbell from the University of Michigan noted

“Like anything else in life, too much time on Facebook — or the Internet in general, for that matter — can be a bad thing….For the most part, depression and loneliness are associated with those extremely heavy users of the Internet who let the amount of time they spend online interfere with their offline connections.”

Dr. Mike Brody, child psychiatrist from Silver Springs, MD, adds:

“Kids become are very competitive, and kids want to be chosen…Facebook allows adolescents to see their friends’ successes, as well as the number of friendships those friends have. “It sets up a competitive thing where kids might feel less than they are because their friends seem to be having a better time than they are…I think the idea of envy and jealousy becomes very magnified through this medium.”

If you add to the above described situation someone already depressed, or heading that way, it’s easy to start to see how the Facebook environment could exacerbate that person’s symptoms. Keep in mind that it’s not the technology that’s the issue but the social situation that the technology has created and that’s why this is an area to keep an eye on for certain populations of teens.

We did not pull the term “Facebook Depression” out of thin air. To the doubters out there, a quick Google search will confirm that for you. Even more interesting is that since we gathered our initial resources, even more data has come out proving this phenomenon’s existence and we’ll be tracking that with much interest as this field evolves more.

In the end, this clinical report was designed for pediatricians to help families understand the world of social media, including Facebook, because I believe in the positive value that world can have on families when everyone focuses on health, safety and citizenship. As the dust settles and more people read the report, I have every faith that our comfort with social media and site such as Facebook with shine through.

My motivation behind writing this report with the AAP Council on Communications and Media was simple: to make the world of kids and teens, online and offline, a bit healthier and safer. If that sounds like some sort of agenda to anyone…than guilty as charged.

You can read the full clinical report here.

You can read my QA on the Facebook Safety site here.

You can see my YouTube video, “Don’t Fear Social Media” here.

When I think back on my middle school and high school days, the future was out there and getting into college on our minds as high school days marched on, but it wasn’t the stress and all consuming mission it is for today’s teens. Somewhere along the line, the exploration of life that comes with being a teen has been replaced with a mission to “get on” with life. Unless I didn’t get the memo that teens are now truly small adults, shouldn’t they get to live out the remainder of their childhoods and reap the benefits that a full childhood has for a developing person? Given their all getting short changed on that front, are we really shocked that they are so stressed out?

A survey this past spring by the Columbia public schools in Columbia, Missouri is eye-opening. Here are the highlights:

• 3/4 of students are stressed about school
• 50% of teens cite the future as their top concern
• Other top stressors cited included family issues, relationships, and time management

Other observations from the survey:

• All socioeconomic groups are represented
• Junior high kids are relying on energy drinks and coffee
• These students are below the average for drug and alcohol use nationwide

The kicker of this entire situation, however, is this quote from the survey’s summary article (noted above):

Heather Harlan, a prevention specialist for Phoenix Programs, said the results of the assessment indicate there is a growing disconnect between adults and adolescents. “Young people would like to spend more positive time with their parents,” Harlan said.

These results could have been from any town in the United States. Teens everywhere are reporting similar stressors and have been for a while now.  In light of discussions of “helicopter parents”, and “Tiger Moms”, it’s time we take a step back and realize that what’s happening in the world of teens isn’t working. Our job as parents isn’t to groom them for some future we think is best for them and push them to achieve in a way that’s super human.

We ended up doing ok with similar concerns by having mentors, teachers and parents who helped us see that the blank slate of a futures would be just fine as we figured out over time what our dreams were meant to be. Now it’s our turn to do the same for our kids. Remember, we lived our childhoods. We found our dreams. And, most of us bucked our parents every step of the way when they tried to intervene and force their wills on us (remember those days??).  Let’s not deprive or teens of any of their own teenage ride – even the bucking their parents part!

So, as another school year begins, let’s empower our kids as they become teens to find their own paths and dreams. Their futures will be just fine once they get there.

I can so relate to this Subaru video:

This was me and my daughter today, two days after she received her driver’s license. She was embarking upon her maiden solo driver’s voyage with great excitement. To the shock of my ears, she and her sister volunteered to go to the grocery store down the road and pick up the necessary items for dinner. With huge butterflies in my stomach, I handed over the grocery list, my car keys, and a scene not unlike the one in the video ensued.

I stood there in the garage as she and her sister pulled out, big smiled on their faces. I could tell how excited and proud my newly licensed teen was, and how psyched her younger teen sister was to have this moment with her sister – freedom without parents. I put on my best smile and waved.

I honestly am not sure I truly breathed until I received the text that simply stated “we arrived”. It felt like an eternity until that text arrived but was only a few minutes – the store is only a couple miles down the road.

My butterflies kept fluttering for about 20 minutes until I heard the garage door open, then they left. The girls were home safely – as was the car. Mission accomplished for all of us – and we all did just fine.

This was the most interesting experience of my parenting life so far and nothing in the world could have prepared me for it. Running it by my husband before they left, his response was simple: “we all have to do this at some point. It’s the only way we’ll all get used to this and feel comfortable.”

That’s truly it in a nutshell.

As parents, we have to learn to let go a bit and trust that the lessons learned have given her a solid enough foundation to build upon if we help her pick the right next steps in this new journey. And, our daughter needs more driving experience to become more competent and safe – and needs some of that experience without us in the car. It will do her no good at all to not allow her to drive because of the many “what ifs” our nervous minds come up with or others toss at us because of statistics and headlines.

Our state has a graduated driver’s license program that our daughter and all her friends are part of. It’s made a huge dent in lowering teen driving accidents. But, if I’m being honest, I’m not worried about the teen drivers. The ones I’ve seen are quite responsible. What I worry about are the adult drivers not being safe on the road – distracted by technology, being impatient, driving too fast, etc. Those adults are bigger risks to our teens than any teen is to anyone at the moment. If we want our teens to be safe on the road, providing the best roles models possible for how to do that should be all of our top priorities.

A high school friend posted on Facebook recently that her 11 year old son noticed a Cialis add during a football game and asked about it. Remind us all to thank the sports world for introducing these fun concepts into the minds of our very hormonal tweens and teens!

Not sure how to respond, she did what most parents do these days…turned to her Facebook friends. We offered up our usual sage advice after which I was reminded of a post I wrote a few years ago after we took our kids to see the movie, The Pink Panther, when my oldest daughter was 12. That was 4 years ago now. A similar “male enhancement pill” question emerged in our family and here’s how it unfolded:

We took our kids to see Pink Panther a few weeks ago. What an enjoyable family day! My husband and I laughted hysterically with the “middle age magic man pill” scene, and breathed a huge sigh of relief with neither of our daughters, ages 12 and 10, asked what it was. Kids don’t miss a beat, though, so we wondered if the other shoe would drop.

It did…4 weeks later. Our 12 year old started joking with my husband about “the middle age magic man pill”, just plopping it in conversation assuming we’d laugh as we did in the movie. He asked her what it was and she gave him a blank stare and walked away. The next  day she asked him what it was and he pulled a typical dad –puberty move: sent her to me. He gave me a heads up and I figure I have about a week before she’ll come to me wondering what this “middle age magic man pill” is about. By then, she will have learned “reproduction” in 5^th grade science and my goal is to have a simple conversation that builds from there. In other words, I’m going to talk about biology and that sometimes biology needs a little help because it’s complicated.

Puberty has to be the most difficult topic to address with kids but it is important to be straightforward. I do not believe talking about sex promotes sexual exploration – in fact, just the opposite, it promotes safety and smart thinking. I also believe that talking about these issues helps kids understand that they are biological and do sometimes need medical intervention. That will help our kids when they get older should they have any sorts of issues with their reproductive systems.

Even  good kids get themselves into pickles where hormones are concerned. What good do we do them if we go nuts as they figure out what those hormones mean? It’s our job to help them sort this out. It’s our job to be clear minded and remember that at young ages they are just curious about the biology. Let’s not make it more complicated than it already is!

So, if your kids ask you about any of these “male enhancement” pills…don’t freak. Just calmly explain what they are for and move on. Remember, kids just have inquiring minds and are just inquiring. Your job is just to respond back with your best poker face and hope for the best!

Besides, who would you rather answer this intriguing question for your kids – you or your spouse, your your child’s equally clueless friend or the internet?

I was away this week when Glee’s “Never Been Kissed” episode first aired. Being a huge Bon Jovi fan, my 13 year old daughter couldn’t wait for me to get home so she could watch the episode again with me. “You’re going to love it!”, she told me. “But, there are some surprises in the episode…so I should warn you.”

So, we plopped on the couch and got into our watching positions.

I had heard mixed reactions on Twitter about the “Stop Me Up/Livin’ On A Prayer” mash up but I really liked it. After all, this is Glee and they tend to put their own twist on our favorite tunes – which is what we want them to do. To just resing an artist’s song would make the show into a fancy version of video karyoke. One of the pluses of Glee is watching the reinvention of songs many of us either grew up with or have had a long standing relationship with from artists we’ve been following for a long while.

My daughter seemed pleased that I liked the mash up. Being the true Glee expert in our house, that could have made watching the remainder of the episode sticky at best!

It was clear, though, that the episode was truly about Kurt. After the second or third shove into the lockers, my daughter said to me “get ready  – something shocking is going to happen. I wasn’t ready for it the first time I saw the episode. Didn’t see it coming at all!”

When Kurt was kissed by that lug of a football player, my daughter simply turned to me and said: “I told you – shocking.”

I agreed with her – the kiss was a twist to the plot and something not often seen on prime time teen TV but it was not “shocking”. In fact, I explained to her it made complete sense.

“It’s so hard for kids to be different today or feeling different from other kids in their peer group. Discovering you’re gay or lesbian is one of the biggest feelings of “different” there – at any age. I know so many people who truly, truly struggle with this.

The thing is…we often think of bullies as bullying because they are scared of people who are different from themselves but just as often they bully because they are scared of those people being the same. That’s what’s happening here. This football player is supposed to be this macho guy and instead has discovered he’s gay – that’s not easy. So, he’s pisssed off and instead of embracing it and seeking people to turn to, he’s rebelling and actually punishing those he’s attracted to. Not healthy at all but that’s what some bullies…some people in pain…do.”

My husband, who was in the room by now, nodding in agreement. This is tough stuff for young kids. But, we both felt the episode truly drove a very challenging point home about teen life and bullies home in a very well done way – a way that teens, even young teens, can understand.

Teens learn best about tough topics when they have a frame of reference. Shows like Glee provide that for us – they give us a much needed foot in the door with our own teens on some very challenging topics.

If you’re looking for additional talking points from this past week’s Glee episode, here are a few that can help you with your own teens:

1. Bullies don’t always bully for the obvious reasons – it’s important to uncover the true reasons. In this week’s episode, the football player wasn’t just being a bully, he was actually gay and struggling with that himself. He needs help as much as the person he’s victimizing because he’s in a lot of pain, too.
2. Teachers must intervene more than just talking to the victim and asking if they are ok. Mr. Schu gave Kurt too much credit by just having a chat and leaving it at that. True intervention has to involve stopping the bully and holding the bully accountable for his or her actions. That wasn’t done for Kurt at his own school and we heard from Blaine a similar experience at his old school. That’s simply wrong. Sadly, that’s also what’s occurring much, much too often.
3. Bystanders, students and teachers and others, must do something if they see the bullying occurring. To not step in is to be a type of bully – it’s bullying by association. By not protecting the victim and ignoring the problem, the bystander is as guilty of bullying the victim as the bully because it perpetuates the cycle. So, all those friends of Kurt who saw him getting slammed into those lockers were part of his bullying, too, and fed into his pain. For them to truly help, they needed to either stand up to the bully for him or get a grown up to help.

Glee is planning to cover bullying throughout this season so I’ll be intrigued to watch and see how the continue to cover this complicated and important issue with other school groups and with teachers. So far, they are off to a fantastic start – people’s eyes are opening and conversations are starting. I’ll continue to watch, too, and offer my 2cents, insight and talking points to help you talk to your kids.

If you saw this week’s episode, what did you think? What did your kids think? Let me know. The more we all talk and share, the better off all our kids will be.

Image sources:

http://cdn04.okcdn.okmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Chris_Colfer_Glee_Nov10.jpg

http://www.projectqatlanta.com/news_articles/view/gay_for_glee_lesbian_sues_feds_illinois_unions?gid=6741

I was at a busy intersection last Friday getting the gas in my car filled up. Believe it or not, in our overly busy society where people pride themselves on independence and convenience, there are still a few old-fashioned “full service” gas stations in Massachusetts. Two exist in my home town, in fact. I enjoy the throw back to a different time and despite rumors to the contrary the gas is not more expensive at these places.

Looking out my window, I couldn’t help notice how many people zipping down the street in their cars either had a cell phone glued to their ear or were peering down at their cell phone screen. One gal was even reading a newspaper.  Low tech but took her eyes off the road none the less, and perhaps more if you take into account the blocking of the windshield from the paper during the page turn.

The buzz in Massachusetts this September has been the driving text ban going into effect September 30, 2010. It’s prime coverage on the TV news, newspapers and on bill boards on major highways.

Sitting in my car last week waiting, about 60% of the cars that passed had adult drivers with a cell phone in hand. I couldn’t tell for sure what they were doing but they were obviously holding a phone. I only saw a couple teen drivers and they had both hands on the wheel. And, of course, there was newspaper lady. In the past, though, I’ve seen people read books, maps, shave and even put on make-up.

This law is a step in the right direction but I wonder how it will be enforced since adults are allowed to talk on the phone and texting and dialing are the same activity. I also wonder how this will help curtail the biggest issue we face: adult distracted drivers in general who are the ones modeling the behavior for our teens.

Good to have stiff penalties for out teen drivers. As teens, that does speak to them and reinforce important messages.

However, the issue on our roads isn’t with the teens. If you want to see the issue, look in the mirror: it’s with us – the adults.

The other issue we have to be realistic is more sobering. Studies out this week show that these laws not only don’t work they make distraction behind the wheel worse by encouraging people to hide the cell phone from police – in their laps.

Skeptical about this new law? You bet. We’re a society who can’t even stop talking while in line at Starbucks. We’re a society who fights wearing seat belts and refuses to wear bike helmets to set a good example for our kids. So, forgive me that I’m just not buying that we, the adults, can set the good example here. I think the minority will try but we need a majority of willing participants here to keep our roads safe.