A Reality Check on The Jake and Vienna Breakup

The Bachelor Series may be doing well in terms of “successful” season completions but not so well in terms of successful pairings! With Jake and Vienna splitting, not a single Bachelor has successfully found his soul mate on the show as the show is designed.

Sure, Jason married Molly but Molly was actually his #2 choice during the actual show so that doesn’t really count in the end, despite the hype and spin that ABC tried to put on the tale with the TV fairy tale wedding.

The Bachelorette contestants, on the other hand, seem to pick much more wisely and end up taking that all important walk down the aisle. Trista and Ryan are still together, married with kids. Jillian and Ed are still together and planning an wedding. And, there are high hopes that Ali will make a sound decision and pick wisely and have the same fate.

So, why is it that the men are crashing and burning and the women are soaring with matters of the heart and soul in this very contrived, made-for-TV, find one’s soul-mate show?  Why is it that as soon as that ring goes on the finger, as when Jake proposed to Vienna, many of us started betting on when the news would come of the breakup (I actually gave this one only 3 months!)?

It would be overly simplistic to just say that “women are from venus and men are from mars” but it may boil down to that in the end. It may also boil down to the fact that women tend to seek out attributes that make for life-long soul mates and partners and don’t just focus on the heated emotion of the moment.  The bottom line is that the lust and excitement that comes with falling in love isn’t the emotion to base a life-altering decision upon. Women seem to get that!

When friends and I were contemplating our “life partner” decisions, we had a little motto: he’s a keeper if he’s still around after 4 seasons, 1 really amazing event and 1 not so great event (family death, stress, etc). If after all that, we’re still having fun and still in love, then then we would talk “the m word” and consider getting engaged. That seems to be what Jillian and Ed are doing, in fact. As soon as their season ended, they made it clear they wanted to get married but wanted to be “normal” and date – go to movies and live together through the normal pace of life a bit. That’s the way to do it…do we hear about them daily? No. Do we see Jillian on TV shows and covers of magazines? No. She and Ed are living life…and that’s what it’s all about.

Jake, on the other hand, dove from the Bachelor to all this other stuff. There was never time for he and Vienna. All interviews centered around him and his needs. I never heard him talk about him supporting Vienna and her dreams. I would only hear him say things like “I want someone to be there for me and support what I’m doing”.  Reading between the lines, she finally had it and called him on it.

Their Twitter feeds tell you all you need to know.

If you look at Jake’s Twitter feed, it’s all about him and his various projects.  Even before the breakup, not much about Vienna. Interestingly, he gave reports in interviews that Vienna was lazy and not seeking a job but that’s not the case according to her Twitter feed. It turns out she was seeking a job and actually has one…working with Biolustre.  She’s actually giving back and embarking upon a path that helps people during one of the darkest times of their life. Honestly, I think that’s great. It’s unfortunate her ex-fiance couldn’t see that side of her but if he couldn’t and couldn’t appreciate and support that about her, she’s better of without him. And, the other contestants from that season should now be able to take a huge step back and recognize that Jake isn’t quite the catch they thought he was.

The lesson of all this for our kids is that reality shows are not the way to find one’s life partner…it’s TV, plain and simple.  After 20+ years with my husband, I can attest that true love can happen in the real world without the cameras and artificial set ups. Those are the stories our kids need to hear. Tell them your story and the other stories of friends and family in your life whose marriages have worked out. It isn’t always easy but worth the ride when you find the right person.

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